DEATH has affected me with sorrow and guilt, that many of us experience with a loss of a loved one in DEATH. I really had no understanding of it until I was a teenager, but still then I was oblivious to its affects. When God placed such a heavy burden of sorrow and guilt on me with the DEATH of my Grandmother, I felt it then. The sorrow was an unfamiliar zone of not having her around, the guilt of not letting her witness more of my accomplishments, not being able to hear her voice and more important eating her favored cooking, had me baffled and confused. Not understanding what COLLATERAL BEAUTY was back then, these are exactly what I was able to relish in when I thought about her so. I watched my mother go through a breakdown period and the energy she was giving off, had me dreading even more for when it was my time. I miss her tremendously and often hear her voice in my head fussing, that automatically makes me smile and say, YES MAM!
DEATH produced effects of reality and new beginnings, that took myself a while to actually adjust too once I had my own experience. My Grandparents were a very reliable financial backbone for me, despite the many conversations on becoming self-sufficient and DEATH arrived with a memo that I had been hearing for years. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to grasp this concept until literally once she was gone and the thought that I no longer had that support was scary. I begin to play back those Big Momma moments that she was scolding about before her DEATH and realized that was my teacher giving me toady’s lesson. Well Grandma, I know you see me from there and can honestly say……IT’S ABOUT TIME, YOU GOT IT TOGETHER, I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!